Not Without Sacrifice
by Larxenethefirefly
Summary: The Doctor and Rose, with Romana, are searching for the Key to Time. But they just might find something else along the way.


Romana frowned as the Doctor set a course that was decidedly not their first destination. "Earth? Why are we going there?"

"We have a pit-stop first," he replied. "We have to pick up my best asset."

Romana looked reluctantly intrigued. "What is it?"

"Not what- who." The TARDIS landed with a thump. "Had to leave her behind when the Council summoned me, but now that we're off Gallifrey-" the doors opened to reveal a petite blonde girl- "we can pick her up. Hello, Rose."

"Two weeks," she replied, tossing her duffel bag by the doors.

"Oh." He frowned at the readout, then looked back at her. "Are you certain?"

She rolled her eyes. "Course. I lived it, didn't I?" She looked over at Romana, seemingly not surprised to see a newcomer. "Don't listen to him when he says he can fly the TARDIS; She flies Herself more often than not."

Romana raised an eyebrow. "He failed his piloting exam. I know, because I was there." A tiny smiled graced her features. "He landed in the sewers."

Rose giggled. "You don't have to tell me. Last body, he tries dematerializing the TARDIS, lands in the local rubbish tip. Took ages for the smell to leave his clothes."

"If you are quite done?" the Doctor asked, annoyed.

She grinned at him, then turned back to Romana. "I'm Rose Tyler. Originally from Plicea, thirty-second century."

"Romanadvoratrelundar," Romana replied.

Rose blinked. "'s a bit of a mouthful."

"Just call her Romana," the Doctor said. "Easier to remember."

Dryly, Romana replied, "Two peas in a pod."

Rose grinned. "Anyway, where are we off to?"

"Collecting the Key to Time," the Doctor announced, rather melodramatically, and with a flick of his scarf. Rose eyed him for a moment then turned back to Romana.

"I'll put some tea on and you can explain to me, yeah?" she asked, then headed into one of the corridors. The Doctor looked after her in consternation and indignation.

Romana smirked at his expression. "We'll be in the galley if you need us," she said, then followed after Rose. She had a feeling she was going to like it here.

"What is Gallifrey like?" Rose asked one day as they settled in the library.

Romana looked at her. She knew, of course, of the fate that had befallen Rose; it wasn't a secret around the Citadel, and now that she had grown to know her Romana truly felt sorry for her.

"It's…" she paused. "Gallifrey is… home. It's located in a rift, where every single universe converges, so there's only one Gallifrey; no other universe has one, but it exists in all at once. Time is a part of Gallifrey like your sun is to Earth. Gallifreyans and Time Lords alike grow up seeing, feeling, breathing Time. Like your species has an intrinsic knowledge of when things are wrong, we have a base instinct of reading Timelines."

Rose considered this for a moment. "It must be maddening," she finally replied, "Seeing all those possibilities, how they're constantly changing and diverging, having the power to change them and knowing you cannot."

"It can be," Romana replied, quietly. "But we develop ways of ignoring the 'white noise' so that we see only what we want to see."

"Still," Rose said, smiling wistfully, "it sounds beautiful. The ability to see all the good things with the bad, and knowing that someone could have chosen a darker path but didn't. Gives you hope that when confronted with the same choice, you can make the right one, too."

"You are a lot wiser than many people on my planet," Romana said, and Rose blushed.

"No, I'm not. I don't understand one thing about the mechanics of time travel, after all."

Romana smiled conspiratorially. "Well I do, so between us we have things covered."

"And the Doctor's just the chauffeur?" Rose asked, eyes sparkling mischievously.

"Precisely."

Rose collapsed into giggles.

The Doctor's face was thunderous when Romana finally found them, Rose changed out of her wedding dress and cradling her swollen wrist. "Prince Reynart and his new bride are settled. They wish to send their thanks and apologies, especially to you, Rose."

"It's fine," Rose said, softly, looking worriedly at the Doctor, who refused to acknowledge her existence. She swallowed, then turned back to Romana. "We'd best get back to the TARDIS. You alright there, K9?"

"Affirmative, mistress," K9 replied, a little wet but none the worse for wear.

The quartet silently trooped back to the TARDIS, the Doctor's hands firmly in his coat pockets. Romana studied them from behind, seeing Rose's dejected posture and the Doctor's air of barely suppressed rage.

Their most recent adventure had been harrowing, to say the least. Though Romana had borne a passing resemblance to Princess Strella, it was Rose who was identical to their Goddess, and it was quickly believed that she was her reincarnation. While Romana had been down in the cellars, Rose had been treated like royalty; but when Count Grendel, who had created an elaborate plot to kidnap Princess Strella and assassinate the Prince grew fixated on Rose, things took a downward turn.

Romana had freed Strella with little effort, but then she and the Doctor had to work to prevent Prince Reynart from being killed and reunited the two lovers. However, it became clear early on that Count Grendel wished to marry Rose in the place of Strella, so he could claim power over the state and religion by being married to the reincarnated goddess. When Romana and the Doctor had been captured, Rose pleaded for their lives by offering to marry him willingly.

Stuck in the cellars, the Doctor and Romana had searched for a way to escape to prevent not only the wedding, but Reynold's and Strella's death. They had managed to crash the wedding just in time, proving Rose's earthly status by her sprained wrist, and with Count Grendel under arrest and subdued, the coronation of Prince Reynold commenced as planned.

Now that she thought about it, Romana was sure that ever since they had stopped the wedding, the Doctor hadn't spoken to Rose once, nor held her hand. Personal space was definitely something they had always shared.

When they got inside the TARDIS, Rose immediately darted off, muttering something about taking a shower. The Doctor ignored her. "Keep an eye on the TARDIS," he ordered after putting the his ship into the vortex, and Romana found herself all alone in the console room, with K9 as company.

"K9," Romana said, evenly, "we are travelling with a pair of children."

"Affirmative," K9 replied.

"So," she said, "what are we going to do about it?"

Romana landed them on Leyvos. Though the search for the fifth piece of the Key had made the Doctor and Rose start talking again, things were still strained. They all agreed that they needed a breather before searching for the final segment, since they had been run ragged for the past few weeks.

It was autumn, the leaves in gorgeous shades of yellow, red, and orange, and they had arrived just in time for the local squash harvest. Rose had changed into a soft pink sweatshirt and blue jeans, teasing the two Time Lords for stubbornly refusing to change their attire.

"What, is it some sort of super-secret rule, that once you settle on an outfit you're forbidden to change it?" she asked.

The Doctor grinned. "Why mess with perfection? At least I have style, which my previous bodies lacked."

"Hey, don't mock the velvet cape," Rose admonished. "It was comfortable."

"Bit frivolous, don't you think?"

"And the scarf isn't?" Romana said, dryly.

Rose beamed. "I like the scarf, too, just like the velvet cape and the recorder. Suppose that's another thing I'll put in my closet when you change."

"What?" the Doctor asked, confused; but Rose had already skipped away, asking about the price of hot cocoa. "She doesn't really have those things in her closet, does she?" he asked Romana, worried.

She didn't answer and joined in the queue behind Rose. He remained where he was for a moment, clearly wrestling with something, before shoving it down and joining his companions.

Though they teased each other incessantly, they didn't touch like they once did and Rose remained wary of him, almost scared to confront him; the Doctor, in turn, tended to ignore Rose half the time, and whenever he did talk to her he never made eye contact. It was nearly driving Romana mad, so when Rose was pulled into a circle to learn a harvest dance she walked up and unceremoniously whacked the Doctor across the back of his head.

"You," she said sternly as he protested, "are an idiot."

He frowned. "I most certainly am not!"

Romana crossed her arms. "Yes, you are. There's a perfectly wonderful woman right there who loves you with everything she is, and if you don't get your act together she really is going to leave you. Even Rose won't wait forever, Doctor."

His eyes sparked at that last bit (she knew he was wondering how she found out about that, but he did talk to himself while tinkering, and she was very good at eavesdropping). "Rose is perfectly able to make her own decisions, Romana. You don't need to meddle in our friendship."

She stared at him for a second, amazed. Looked like his denial was deeper than she thought. "I am only saying what needs to be said. Frankly, you two exhaust me. Even courting couples on Gallifrey aren't as repressed as you two are. Anyone with eyes can see what you mean to each other."

"Clearly, you are delusional," he began, but she interrupted him before he could get a good rant going.

Romana tugged at him until he was facing the circle of dancers. "Look at her," she commanded. When he tried to resist, she shoved at him until he gave in. "Just watch her," she repeated.

They stood and looked on while Rose learned the steps of the dance, but it was evident that she lacked her usual enthusiasm. Though the boy teaching her was obviously flirting, Rose stayed neutral; her smile wasn't as big, her eyes didn't shine, her feet dragged ever so slightly. As those around her sang she stayed quiet; and throughout the entire thing her eyes flickered over to the Doctor, standing quietly at the side lines, her eyes growing a little more sad every time she looked away.

"She saved our lives on Tara, Doctor," Romana said quietly when she knew he wouldn't try to get away. "She told me, after, that we were going to be executed by decapitation; we can't survive that. And in agreeing to marry Grendel she allowed enough time for us to escape, for us to find the next segment and to rescue her in return. She sacrifices so much for you. The least you can do is sacrifice your pride in return."

Romana began to despair for him when he didn't move, and she finally shook her head. "Utter fool," she said quietly and turned to walk away.

"I don't deserve her," he said, voice strained.

She turned back to listen, but didn't respond.

"I'm going to live so much longer than her, Romana," he continued. "For eons. Her life is like a mayfly, flitting ever so briefly in and out; she's already spent over a decade with me, and every day she grows more fragile. One day she won't run as fast, or I won't get to her in time, or I'll watch her fade away… and as they years pass I'll forget her face, her smile, the way her hand fits in mine. She's already leaving me, Romana. Every day, she's already leaving."

"I once told Rose that seeing Time like we do can drive anyone mad," Romana replied. "I was wrong. I think it makes us regret. Regret that we were so focussed on things that have not yet happened that we fail to live in the present, that the things we so fear will happen will do so because of our inability to see past them. Rose is here now, Doctor. Isn't that enough?"

He didn't respond, but she knew he had heard, and more importantly, listened. His frame relaxed, the tension that had inhabited his face for days fading. He sighed, and breathed, and it seemed as if it was the first breath of air after days of suffocation.

Romana smiled and stepped away, her part done.

In the circle, Rose twirled, politely giving her partner a smile as they stepped together, opposite hands resting lightly together, fingertip-to-fingertip. The dance had seemed fun at first, but it had quickly grown tiring. She knew exactly what was missing, of course, but he had left, for all she knew back to the TARDIS, and things just weren't the same with him gone.

Her partner stepped back, and Rose spun, intending to apologize and leave, but her words froze in her throat as the Doctor stood before her, eyes serious with a look she didn't dare name.

They danced together, hands pressed together, eyes locked, bodies brushing the other as they stepped and spun and swayed, barely aware of the others in the circle. When it came time for them to exchange partners, he stepped away instead, and Rose, her small hand still clasped in his, followed him.

He led her in silence to a quiet cove of trees, the leaves crunching under their shoes, filling the air with cinnamon. Scented trees, she thought idly, genetically engineered in the twenty-eighth century. They were popular on her home world, and she once had a few in her backyard that smelled like her mother's perfume and her father's clothes after he returned from work.

"I thought I had lost you on Tara," the Doctor finally said and Rose wasn't the least bit surprised. "When I saw you at the altar… it reminded me of everything I can't give you, Rose."

Rose's heart sank, fearing the worse, but she stood her ground. "I did it to save your life, Doctor, yours and Romana's and the prince and princess. I'd do it again in the heartbeat."

He continued looking at her with that expression that made hope dare to flutter in her chest. "Romana told me I'm an idiot."

"She's usually right."

"I'm not good at relationships, Rose. Time Lords, as a culture, don't do anything unless it's to their advantage. Marriages are political unions, and though a few find love, it's rare. The last time I saw my wife she filed for a divorce, since her ties to me were no longer in compliance to our contract.

"I don't know how humans do relationships, Rose. You're going to expect more than I can give you, and I'm just letting you know now."

His voice was serious; he hadn't looked away from her eyes, as if willing her to understand his underlying message. She swallowed, her mouth dry. "I don't expect anything more than you can give me, Doctor. I learned long ago that the universe will always come first, that what you give to the stars can never equal what you give to me. And that's okay. Just know that I'm here holding you up as you support everything else."

Slowly, one hand reached up to brush back a wisp of hair that had come free from her ponytail. "You always have, Rose." he replied. "Even when I was too lost in my own problems and grievances to realize it." There was a pause before he said, quietly, and almost in awe, "My precious girl."

He bent down and pressed his lips to hers, chastely, softly, leaving the next move to her. Her breath stuttered in her chest and her heart seemed to freeze, all sensation focused on the fact that he was kissing her. She pressed back against him, unable to deny anything he asked of her, fear and elation simultaneously warring within her.

When they pulled back a few seconds later, Rose stared at him with wide eyes, praying with all her might that he wouldn't regret it. "You… Was that… please don't say that was an accident."

He shook his head. "I can't lie to myself anymore, although I was very good at it."

Rose couldn't help it- she laughed, her free hand coming to clutch at the lapel of his coat, so deliriously in love she couldn't breathe. He chuckled along with her, and on an impulse scooped her up, bridal-style, and started carrying her back to the TARDIS.

"Doctor," Rose said, breathlessly and joyously, "where are we going?"

"Home," he replied, grinning just as broadly as she. "We have a lot to talk about, you and I, and a lot of missed time to make up for."

Her arms snaked themselves around her shoulders. "Better late than never, right?"

"Oh, absolutely," he agreed and kissed her again.

This, he decided, was what joy tasted like.


End file.
